fragment.

You lied to me.

I never meant to hurt you.

Is that supposed to comfort me?

I could see the regret and pain in the eyes. It mirrored mine. I regretted the day we met. Every word we spoke. The exchange of fluids. 

Our eyes tried to re-connect. I couldn't look back. Look at anything but that direction.

So is this it?

I don't know. There was a dumb quality to the sound of my voice. I wasn't sure which emotion trumped which: anger or sadness.

I could hear the heavy breathing from that direction. I heard my heartbeat in my ears. It was ready to explode out of my chest; like the facehugger’s baby from Alien. I picked at my nails and wasn’t sure how to proceed. How do you end a lifelong obsession? It was like shedding wet skin that wasn’t ready to come off yet.

The air around me got tighter and I could feel breath on my neck, chin, lips. Resistance is futile.  Our lips connected through our tongues and there were sparks in the air. Fireworks exploding all around us and it was magic. Hands and fingers tangled in hair and tearing clothes off.

No. I had to put a stop to it before it became disastrous; too tragic to fix.

Why not? God, that tone was so fucking annoying.

Because I can’t.

Bullshit.

It’s complicated. Why is there doubt from that direction?

You’re making it complicated.

I don’t want to be your fuck buddy. I can’t keep doing this, it’s...

What?

It’s too fucking hard! Now I’m angry. And out of breath; I want to cry. Will that make it better?

Move closer.

I just want to hold you.

I can’t be around you anymore. I don’t know who you are.

I move away. The space around me closes in.

Stop.

What? Am I being challenged?

Stop coming so close to me. I need air.

You make me cum.

Stop. That’s vulgar.

I love you.

I can’t do this.

I close my eyes and there’s nothing. My memory has been wiped clean.

I hear the door close far away and it’s quiet. A deafening silence. I hate being alone.