sometimes i think that if i post something on a public blog, or space... it's out in the universe, so it's not my problem anymore. the universe will take care of it. it never ends up that way... it just gets worse, b/c the crazy comes out and takes over.
sometimes, i think, what if i quit my job, sold my condo and all my earthly possessions and committed myself. i'd keep my laptop and music. lock myself up in a padded room filled with nina simone.
or travel to paris, live in the shadow of the moulin rouge and bask in the madness that is my life. write endless bad poetry and take up caffeine again.
would that make things better? would it make all the shit go away? b/c no matter what, it never gets better. nothing will make it better... i've realized that now and for that, have decided to take a vow of silence. things are better when i shut up. b/c if i talk, i'll never stop and all the ugliness will spill out of me in a violent gush of hatred.
maybe i need to stop the drama... b/c after all, it's all in my head... that's the sad reality... the obvious truth of my existence. there is nothing outside of my mind.
there is nothing...
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