Hammers crashing down. Whirlwinds and hurricanes. I have a secret. It's growing and swallowing me whole. Rotting my body from the inside out.
Crashing.
BANG. BANG. BANG. Cracks and shattering sounds. Roaring crashes. Stomach full of acid. Churning and burning.
100 pills a day and I'm still not fixed.
Once. Twice. Forever.
And it's not there anymore. I can't remember how it once pulled me out of the abyss.
Nausea radiates through my fingertips. Makes my body shake.
Day after day, night after night. I've been asleep for two days. I've been awake for a decade; roaming the world unable to settle down.
I think of Scarlet O'Hara. I think of Katharine Hepburn. I think of Al Pacino. Film strips run through my head; the never ending story. A movie that never ends. The lines blurred between reality and hallucinations.
I'm surrounded by rocks. I'm the centre of Gibraltar. Distant memories and nostalgic pieces. Like a painful puzzle.
Words are like bullets, they shoot out of my mouth and are dangerous; they could kill.
Everything radiates.
Body is raw nerve endings. Exposed nerves. Nerves. Angry.
Mouth full of blood again. Unable to speak my peace.
The tiny voice that comes from you tells me to be strong, to see beyond this moment.
YET.
Not yet. Not yet enough.
"Is it enough stuff? Is it stuff enough?"

Nothing is enough; everything is too much.
Hate. Intense. Can't see through it. Like a black curtain that obscures everything positive. Trying is too hard.
To give up is not an option.

"Birds flying high you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you how I feel. Breeze drifting on by, you know how I feel. It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me. And I'm feelin' good."