wasting away on insomnia...

Sometimes, when I’m so tired I feel like I’m hallucinating, all these thoughts explode behind my brain. I blast music to try and keep them at bay. Inappropriate thoughts spring to the forefront of my mind. When I dare confess these things out loud, they say I should tell my therapist. Oy...  

Your beauty still lulls me into a coma. It stuns me motionless. Some say happiness is a warm gun. Feeling the bullet pierce your skin. The intense flow of blood draining your body. Pulsating. Body heaving and shuddering unable to make sense of what is happening. Is that happiness? What if you survive? What if you survive and everyone finds out? Then what? How do you face the world?  Sometimes I think about walking into traffic. I think about ceasing to exist. What if I was never born? If I jumped off my balcony, would I live to tell the tale? I’m only 8 stories high; that’ll barely make a dent. It’s barely a cry for help. I don’t cry and I don’t need help.

“You crawl like tipped wine
Cheap tricks, dirty calls
Watching paint dry is good for the walls
Its good for the walls
Silence is deep never what you'd think

I'll waste, I'll waste, I'll waste inside the cage
I'll waste, I'll waste, I'll waste inside the cage...

It was the great escape
Foiled guards left in wait
I changed, I came undone
Inside the cell I won...

I'll waste, I'll waste, I'll waste inside the cage
I'll waste, I'll waste, I'll waste inside the cage...”