experimenting with words 3

Come in.

Uh oh. This was never a good sign.

Close the door.  I sat down at the chair across from hers; my hand throbbed from a cut.  I was carelessly putting away files in a black metal cabinet and had sliced my skin open.  It stung like fire.

I need to tell you something.  You have to keep it to yourself.

No, I don’t want to know. I’m not listening. Please.

Blah blah blah. There was excitement in her voice; like she was on the cusp of happiness.

Wow. That’s great! I tried to mimic  her cheerfulness. Inside there was an explosion.

Oh god, no! This is awful. I don’t want to hear anymore.

The look on my face betrayed me. Her face sobered.  Well, it’s really a good thing.  She regarded me. Tried to gauge my reaction.  I could see she was thinking how to phrase her next word.

Don’t tell me how. I don’t want to know. Stop talking! Oh god, I need air.

You need to know this. I need to tell you this. Her voice was so soft and inviting. I wanted to curl up inside it. Lock way the awful truth she was spewing. Her monologue felt like an attack.

I don’t care.  I just want to get out of here.

She continued talking but I had already tuned out; I tried feigning interest, hoped my face would unfreeze and I could at least pretend to hear what she was saying.  Civilizations were crashing inside my head. I had seen the end of the universe.  

The wait is killing me. I just want it to be over. This limbo is awful. I tried to reason it in my head, but it was like trying to catch a thunderstorm in a plastic bag: useless. The rest of my day culminated in a small hill of uselessness. Those thoughts swirled in my head and I was almost dizzy.  That night my dreams were pierced by a haunting feeling; the end was here. I had a set date. Today was the day it all went to shit; everything will crumble from now on.  It was torment.

And after the end? Then what? Who would rebuild this broken mess?

I felt desperation spread through my like a disease; filling my every pore with pure hate.  My heart filled with sick bats and they fluttered aimlessly making it hard to breathe.